Very important difference! Having bad, negative mindsets will create instability and eventually relationship failure. First things first: BPD is a cluster B personality disorder. Bipolar is different in that it is a mood disorder. While some of the behavior you experience might seem very similar, a personality disorder can be much more erratic and inconsistent than a mood disorder.
People with cancer, pain disorders, lost jobs and broken hearts "shouldn't" have to suffer either. But we all do. When you love someone with bipolar, you have to stop listening to the "shoulds," and think about what really IS and what works for you. If helping your partner manage their medications makes you feel better and keeps them more balanced, great. If it makes you feel resentful and stressed out, and your partner feel hen-pecked, then don't do it. Even if you already knew this, it's hard to remember when the person you love is struggling so much.
You can't be calm, loving, patient or gentle with your partner or yourself if all your mental and emotional energy is going toward the other person. You don't want your relationship to start feeling like a caretaking role - and trust me, neither does your partner. So remember to include what nourishes you every day. I go on four-mile runs a few times a week, write, read novels, and talk to my girlfriends and my mom.
I spend a lot of time being ridiculous and laughing. Take note if you're paying more attention to the disease than the person. It's up to you to educate yourself about this disease. Get the support you need; it's up to them to accept and take responsibility for treatment. If your partner or yourself has bipolar, these are some great online resources for help: Bipolar Burble: Natasha Tracy runs this site, which is the home of real life experience, and suggestions for those with bipolar and those hoping to learn more about it.
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance : Wonderful resources including support groups. Stigma Fighters : A website run by Sarah Fader that has collections of essays by people with all kinds of mental illness.
Sign in. Join YourTango Experts. Maggie Ethridge. LoveSelf April 3, You are right. When her Father died and she moved and was trying to fit in to a new school she felt necessary to drink and do drugs. She never stopped the drinking but was able to stop the drugs. I was told that when she started, around age 19, her brain never mentally grew so my therapist told me I was dating a 19yr old.
I pray for her all of the time and for myself as well. I was deeply into this women and wish the best for her. I did want to mention that I looked up your site because I was just trying to figure out a way to work with someone with this diagnosis. I decided to move on and am going through the grieving stages of departing from her. Do you have any advice for me if she still wants to have a relationship with me?
But admits she will not be easy on me ever but really loves me? Last, is it true that BPD people are notorious cheaters and liars? The biggest red flag I see from everything written so far is her problems with alcohol. It can really bring out the worst in someone.
They do things that they would normally never do in a sober state. Setting the tone early is crucial. I was married to a man that was later diagnosed with manic bipolar after 4 yrs of marriage. We divorced after may times trying to work things out. Til this day, we argue about stupid stuff. He asks why i didnt change him and when i answer, he tells me he doesnt want to hear any excuses. He wants me to be submissive and be meek. He goes from 0 to in 5 seconds!
What should I do? Noticed that we never could get close. Anything that required vulnerability on her part was deflected in some way.
I didnt chase or argue. And she was my best teacher. Good advice on here. Be prepared to leave and do so if need be. Your advice about being willing to leave is what I want readers to pay attention to. This applies to most relationships, not just BPD.
This is a very bad and poorly given advise. BPD women has a constant and very nasty fear of abandonment, even when there is no sign of ending a relationship. That is why they constantly sabotage it. That is like putting your arm all the way in to a beehive with no protection, and you will not know what it is going to trigger.
Whether you have bipolar disorder or are dating someone with the condition, learn what you can do to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Author: Brian Krans. Dating someone with bipolar disorder can be challenging, because you can't control when your partner experiences a mood shift. To help your relationship .
Will mostly end in a disaster. Your mindset is why it will end in disaster. Do you want to know why this is so wrong on every level? Because neediness is the least attractive behavior a man can ever give to a woman. You want a woman to cheat on you, lie, steal, hurt you?
Then be needy. Tell her you need her. Tell her you rely on her. Borderline women sabotage relationships with needy men. You guys that disagree with me have A LOT to learn about healthy relationships in general. I think my friend has BPD. Next thing I know she sends me a text saying we are too close and it makes her uncomfortableSo I gave her space. She obviously did not want me there. I left one hour laterand now back to cold shoulder.
Women will often test a guy for this. If you fall for this game, the girl will dump you, lol. I just want to say that despite all negativeness you find about relationships with BPD, I must say that it is just partly true.
The other part is that there is always a way of handling it with a rational and warm behavior. I personally managed to find an optimal way to fight with the issue without taking everything personally and against me.
My relationship with a BPD was critical, but I educated myself and I really tried to see where was the problem. Communication is very important in those moments of fear. Be calm and understandable in the way you would like to be listened in your difficult moments.
I have been in a co-dependent relationship with a bpd woman for a little over a year. Made all the classic mistakes. Rode the roller-coaster, beat my head against her wall, dealt with the sudden weird rages and all that.
Thought I could fix it. Then my father died. She started a fight before the funeral, then said my mourning was self pity. Well, five days out of the week at least. The fight before the funeral really was the last straw. I blame me for putting up with it. Thanks for the articles. I know what you mean. It is just a natural, human response and when you are close to someone it is sometimes inevitable.
Well yes of course. However, and I know people are going to get mad at me for saying this, depression is a state of mind. It is caused by being mentally weak and having no direction in life. This cannot be a relationship. Hi there I have borderline personality disorder BPD and I lost the love of my life due to my bpd behaviours my ex tried to save me from a horrible life I was experiencing. Due to my white and black thinking treating my partner like shit such as 1 moment putting him on a pedalstoll and the next running him into the dirt.
I was still in denial that I had BPD. I loved Him heaps and still do today. When he said he would leave me I would threaten to kill myself entrapping him.
Dating with Bipolar #6 - Attachment Trauma and Relationships
In the end the relationship came to a sad end it ended in a physical fight which resulted in police attendance and an family violence order was taken out. After that I felt the full effects of abandonment and as a result I attempted suicide 4 times because of the end of my relationships. Start small and go from there. Small leads to big. I met a girl in a bar who needed a ride home because she had run off her date. I gave her a ride home and we talked all night.
Long story short I became interested. She is very pretty.
But as time went by I discovered she was frequently lying to me about what she was doing and who she was with. She behaved exactly as others have described in these comments. She hurts me and then apologizes. Rinse and repeat. I thought I could help.
Mix in her self admitted bi-polar and alcoholic issue and what I consider an over medicated problem. Lost cause or is there some way to save this?
I can tell you that the best thing you can do is to just cut this girl off until she starts treating you better. But, some girls will only like a guy who actually knows how to counter her. I stumbled upon this website as I was looking up how to improve myself.
I have BPD and am in a long distance relationship for nearly 2 years. We were living in the same city last year, and continued the relationship when he left the country last December. I blame myself; a lot of insecurities, constantly asking him to reassure me that he still loves me, crying on the phone, etc.
I was so angry with all the little things when I saw him last month. I know I really should; it would be better for the both of us. Hi Jane! Your task going forward should definitely be about learning how to love yourself.
Anything you need to forgive and move on? Is your diet healthy? Try going for a run every time you start having negative thoughts. This will get your blood flowing and clear your head. It will release hormones that will make you feel good and better about yourself. We ended up breaking up.
The problem is, I started to realize at the end that he may have been emotionally abusive towards me but I always excused it as the stress of the long distance, his personality or that my BPD made him to react this way. All my friends and parents told me that I needed to walk away ages ago because I was unhappy and he could be very cold towards me.
You hooked up with a new guy because you were done with your relationship. The relationship is dead so you moved on. If a girl has a boyfriend, that will not stop me from wanting to hook up with her. But she will cheat if her man sucks. You left an inadequate, insecure, low-quality man. Very much enjoying reading your direct, straight to the point comments Rick. I may post my experience soon too, I like your perspective. Hi: I met a 25 year old bipolar woman and we dated for 6 months. It had the classic intense affection and declaration of soulmate eternal love.
Now, I must state that I am 52 so there was a big age difference. However, our relationship worked and we never felt that the age gap mattered. During this utopian time, we never had any issues. At the end of the 6 months, the only mistake I made was I violated her trust by asking if she was talking to another guy on her phone.
Dating during your twenties is an experience in itself, but when you live with a severely stigmatized condition like bipolar disorder, dating can really be a challenge. As a year-old mental health advocate who is publicly open about her life with bipolar II disorder, I have often experienced stigma in my dating life. Bipolar Dating is part of the Online Connections dating network, which includes many other general and bipolar dating sites. As a member of Bipolar Dating, your profile will automatically be shown on related bipolar dating sites or to related users in the Online Connections network at no additional charge. Apr 24, Love the person and help with the disorder. Dating someone with bipolar disorder also means understanding the person as much as you can. Dating someone with bipolar disorder isn't a walk in the park, it's a journey where you will need to hold your partner's hand and to not let go even if the emotions get too strong. If you decide to be with that person, make sure to try .
Yes, I admit that I demonstrated jealousy and it is an issue in any relationship. I have to look out for number one. Stupid me,checks her Facebook profile, and there she is with a new guy, professing the same intense love she had given me. I asked her several times after our separation, if it was my violating her trust that led to her decision and that I would even seek counselling to save things. I have spent alot of time ruminating and blaming myself for the break up because I truly feel the violation of trust was the real reason, not the age.
She basically told me to leave her alone and she is walking away and that she is weighing as to whether our relationship was positive or negative at this point. I am still devastated and believe it or not, still have a sliver of hope that she will once again be in my arms. She was just using you as an escape. She probably got sick of guys her age and wanted to try an older man.
It happens. This is why I always tell people to just enjoy the process. Enjoy the relationship while it lasted. It just is what it is. Got to give them space and just let them go. When I was in my 20s, myself and a lot of young women were willing to temporarily date older men to enjoy a nice lifestyle and in some cases help with rent, student fees, get nice gifts. The guys our age were playing catch up financially while we transitioned from college to careers.
Once the men our age were working full time and could compete a bit more, we dated them instead. Very few younger women stay with older men long term unless they are hoping to divorce or outlive them and get a nice payout - which the men are ok with if they get to bed a 25 year old in return.
Your 25 year old was being honest. She just preferred younger men for a serious relationship and once one came along, she jumped ship. Accept it for what it is.
You can date younger women all you want if you have money, but accept that it is entirely transactional and unlikely to last long term. Just completely false. I see young women in long term relationships with guys years older than her all the time. One of my friends is 26 and her boyfriend is In the case of the petty woman, she will always struggle in relationships no matter her age. Hey Rick, Very good article regarding how one should look after themselves when in a relationship with someone suffering with any kind of mental illness.
Long story but have known this girl 34 since we were kids in our village although our age gap at the time dictated that she was much too young although I thought she was cute. So in my opinion in her head she thought that this was the way to roll, pleasing people and not realising she was never in control. This manifests into extreme insecurity, knowing something is wrong but not quite sure what. Teenage years resulted in her first highs, pregnancy and attracting the wrong types of men.
Physically assaulted by men who sense the emotional insecurity and need to feel loved. An easy target. Up and down until one day she is left for dead by someone who led her to believe he was a lovely bloke. He is released from jail after only one year. She flees back to her parents where I bumped into her after being abroad for ten years plus.
That was four years ago, we are now engaged. I agree with everything you say about looking after yourself as I am guilty of all the above.
and Make a Lasting Connection
Education is the key. No its not easy, especially when there is a ten year old involved. The chemical imbalance in the brain dictates moods. But Rick is right. Lookafter yourself. But if you want to help, then educate yourself.
These people may not tell u they love u, or get up to do things with you. And it can feel lonely. But if u r in a longer term relationship I can tell you that yes they do love u tbrry much. Hope all this makes some sense? Yup just find that balance! I just wrote a new article that talks about maintaining that healthy balance outside of the relationship. Check it out! In addition, medication van cause weight gain, which in turn causes more self loathing and agoraphobia. Why on earth do these people want to be with me they think.
Hence the reasons for pushing u away. I have a question regarding the advice you provide on BPD partners: is it generally focused on BPDs who have at least acknowledged that they have the disorder and are working on it, or does it apply to even those still in denial? She had unnecessary issues with my family members and often abused alcohol as a coping mechanism.
She also has family issues with her own family and has been through many relationships. We even tried couples counselling, with us having to stop going each time because the sessions more likely the truth became too hard for her to handle. So ultimately I just withdrew. Nothing I did was ever enough and there was always some issue. My question is, why would anyone put up with this shit over the long term?
And what would your advice have been had you been in this situation? They blame others. They expect others to provide for them and to make their lives better.
You only get what you put in. The sooner people realize this, the sooner that their lives will improve. This relationship ended only a year later and after a few months of already living together. Things took a turn for the worst and she became someone other then the woman I fell for a year prior.
Now after reading this article I see exactly what happened. Everything you listed here on what NOT to do, I did.
Since our breakup, I wanted nothing more then to get back together with her. What I realize now is that when she met me, it seems like she was in her Manic phase.
She was energetic, motivated, and all so attentive but that faded and arguments of pure petty issues took over. This was a peeve of mine that she was never able to change and now I see that it will never change.
I think about her all the time and most recently we began to chat via text for a moment. It started off great! We talked about our lives in the past year of not seeing each other and what we have done as well as our favorite TV shows.
The conversations were easy and fun, but then the past came up and it all went to hell again. I explained how I took time to find myself and work on my own issues in a year.
That this process has led me to see that there was a lot of emotional issues that I had to control in order to make any future commitment last. I thought that she would appreciate this but all it did for her was stir up her old feelings. Next thing I know she is back to reflecting her issues onto me without any acknoledgement of her own faults and actions during our relationship. Should I just walk away from this and just face the fact that the woman I met was just a facade as you stated?
Or is it worth it to keep trying to remember the happiness? This is where I am lost because I truly do love her and want to be the ONLY support she has but all she does is push anyone who cares away. From family to friends, she attempts to go at things alone. She has even recently told me that she has been drinking more often then not lately and it worries me.
Should I be worried? Am I wrong or right to worry about he well being, even though she shows no sign of wanting to work this out? Is she doing this to save her own skin from hurt or trying to save me from anymore hurt due to her mental health?
Please guys, I need some info her before I make the wrong decision to either stick with it or walk away completely. You pointed out an important part of my training: learning what NOT do. I hope everyone reading this takes note of this fact. Dear Rick, My bf of 4 months just broke up with me.
I met him on a dating website as I thought I would try something different. He was quickly very much involved in all of my life except always shying away from social events that involved my family and friends and I let him in because I saw this wonderful sweet, caring,extremely intelligent, beautiful and somewhat quirky man as many people do during the honeymoon period who I have shamelessly started to fall for.
Over the last month he was moving house and was having some issues at work on top of the fact his sister was hospitalised for bipolar depression. This all of a sudden became pretty overwhelming for him and he said he was feeling anxious I had also seen certain things change in him.
When I met him he was always on a high but this particular month I saw him become irritable, moody, withdrawn, frustrated and agitated, overwhelmed and anxious, irrational or impulsive thinking not to mention stubborn, either on top of the world or really low. And this was all exacerbated by him starting to smoke pot everyday. He has not told me that he has bipolar but given his sister, his mum have it, his father was an alcoholic and domestically violent and he has two kids from a previous relationship that are on the autistic spectrum.
He has not disclosed this to me but so many things above and beyond what I have described points to this. However I am concerned for him because some of his behaviour has been very strange. We are meeting up this week to discuss everything, I would like him to seek help but do not want it to come across condescending or patronising and would love your advice on how to broach the subject without upsetting him. I generally recommend people to date 3 years minimum, with minimal drama, before getting married.
So glad I found this site. It all sounds so familiar. I was with a man with bipolar for about two years. I guess my question is. Great information here you all, I have been dating a woman who at first I believed was a great catch.
Very attentive, kind, loving, romantic etc. After a few months I began to notice another side of her. Angry, jealous, obsessive, needy, demanding. In hopes of trying to make the relationship I overlooked these issues and continued with the relationship but moved out of her house. This of course angered her greatly but we continued dating.
A few months later I learned she had moved in with someone else. I was heartbroken and actually worked to get the relationship back and a few months later we moved back in to her house. We were fine for awhile but then her anger and demanding self, pushed me away and I moved out again. Well during this time, I did not speak to my girlfriend as she is usually very upset and angry while I am not with her. I was then out of town with work and attempted to call her; however she did not pick up the phone and this alarmed me.
I returned from out of town and came to find out there was yet another male in the picture. UUgghhh, not again!! I came to this site to seek help for my youngest son. He was living with a girl and they definitely had a major codependent relationship. When I asked him why he stayed to listen to her tell her mother and sister all the details of their argument, he stated if he tried to leave she would come screaming after him and it would embarrass him since they live in an apartment.
In May, they had a major argument and she left and went and stayed with a friend overnight not the first time she did that and so he decided after 2 years to finally end it.
She immediately began begging and pleading which is what always had worked in the past and he left and moved in with my older son and his wife just to be out of the apartment. He is struggling with the situation. But he feels responsible for her. She came to the apartment to pack her things and she took a lot of things that were his and even took things that were owned by the landlord.
Still, he feels sorry for her and feels like he is an awful person for leaving the relationship. We have all tried to talk to him to no avail. I hope he is able to stay strong. Thank you for this site. So, you need to set him free. Stop bailing him out when life gets tough for him. And especially stop interferring in his love life. He needs to grow up and handle that on his own. We talk once in a while, from time to time.
But do people with bipolar actually open up that easily? As I always say, just take it for what it is with the individual. If you find it interesting, then dive a little deeper. My advice with anyone that opens up quickly, however, is that YOU must be slow to commit. And by slow I mean that you must always be less committed than they are. Been involved with BPD female for two months. BPD to a T from all the symptoms and behaviors, my big issues are the lies and the changing on a dime.
This can go on for a full week, at which time I lose it and tell here to F off. When I lose it I say terrible things to her, then walk.
Getting tired of cycle, please help! Need to decide whether to contact again. Need advice! As the man, your job is to be in control of your emotions. You really need thick skin to date women like this.
So learn to control your emotions better. Learn to brush it off. She obviously is in control and has the power. I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been on and off for two years.
We have had very low points, but some high as well. We got into a small arguement two weeks ago and he completely ignores me. We have broken up and re-started our relationship a few times, but the length at which he has ignored me makes me nervous. Thanks again for your site.
So you score big points there. So my advice for you for now is to regain that control. It will be a struggle but do what you can to get it back. This starts with self-control. Good luck :.
Hi Rick: So I came across this site and like the above reader, by bi polar boyfriend is currently ignoring me. We get into stupid arguments and his way of dealing with it is to drop off the face of the earth.
This is not fair to me, and certainly not before the holidays! This is just a sign of emotional weakness in men. So really the best advice I can offer you is to not take this man seriously anymore. So hey, just treat him the same way.
If he acts up, ignore him for a few days. Give him the same treatment. This is how I have designed my training. They have the same desires and needs and everybody else. So to categorize and generalize them is terrible and why places like BPD Family are crap. Hello, I came to this website trying to make sense of recent events in my life. I was under the impression that I was happily married until I discovered my husband in bed with another woman.
He had been in an affair with her for six months and is now dating her since he has moved out. He says he still loves me but he loves her more. She has bipolar disorder, apparently the sex is out of this world although I thought it was pretty good with me. But I know women and they just love men that cheat for some reason. Meet a man on a dating website had a worldwind romance always felt like something was off. He would get mad about small things.
I hid a secret that I occansionally smoked a cigarette every once and a while I am 43 he is 53. He found cigarettes I felt like a kid caught and lied at first but quickly told him they were mine. Knew nothing about bpd. Fast foward eight months later I meet up with him again boom its like magic we are on, everythning is great. Slowly mask starts falling and arguements start about jealously my inapproriate behavior, I always apologize.
I am in sales I come home every night he was my world never did I think about hurting this relationship. Next my friends are being attacked they are no goo causing us harm. I rarely hang out with them never at night never when I can be with him. Two days before christmas he finds out that i amdoing a favor for the girlfriend of mine he doesnt like boom I am out. He tells me after every arguement he can not trust me, But two days before arguement I told himI feel I have no control in this relationship and he could cast me aside anytime and he tells me he will never let me go.
He loves me more than anything. His mother tells me to leave him alone it will blow over in a month. Is there any hope? Please help. Haha this guy just needs to have his ass handed to him. Call him out on his idiotic behavior. Hey Rick, I have been dating my girl-friend for nearly two theses now. And I have done everything everyone has already previously mentioned. The mistakes etc. But, that fake fascade if it were Ive found to be just as real as the whatever person.
The advice I am seeking however is just how assertive do I have to be when I call her on her BS and standup for myself.
I am frankly not afraid to break up or not talk as it is something we have done on occasion and it is not devastating because we always reconcile. As the experiences have coalesced I have gotten so much better at handling myself and my half of the relationship.
I am glad to have found this article and will be contributing and keeping my eye on the site henceforth! I think you need to be a little more selfish, but not in an insecure way. What I mean is that you need to NOT make your relationship the most important thing in your life.
Instead, you need to make YOUR happiness the 1. When you approach these relationships with this kind of attitude, it creates a completely different dynamic. If you find yourself sacrificing your own happiness for the relationship, then you are doing it wrong.
Hi i am a 48 year old female with bi-polar and came across this site by accident, have had a quick read at all the comments and found some very insightful and some very stupid. Each human being is an indivisual and seems to me that whether we have a mental health condition or not relationships are differcult most of the time.
I think that with education and a good understanding of the condition that your partner suffers with then half the battle is won or maybe that just my fluffy bi-polar world i live in where i am able to hold down a job,maintain a large social network and encourage others to stay well. Two of the best books to read are Mindset,The Chimp Paradox may find helpful. You should read more of my articles and let me know what you think. I always like feedback from people that are dealing with it. After we moved and she started living in both the original and present town, trouble started.
I am probably to sensitive and respond to her BS with anger and punishment though it appears she may like that abuse and rough sex. She attempts to flirt in front of me and if I leave her for a coupla hours she will assume I am screwing someone else and then use that as an excuse for attacks, jealousy games, not doing what she knows I want etc. I have responded in anger to her by writing insulting messages and putting her down though what I write is mostly true.
The last time I blocked her everywhere and wrote a messasge exposing all her weaknesses, being unattractive, stupid, unrealistic, older etc. The idea behind this was to get rid of her so that even if I bring her back we both brought each other back in the past after no contact she would not want to come back.
Of course it could be just negative attention to her. What you write about makes sense but these girls often study your weaknesses and then use the to attack. Is it too late now since the loss of respect has already occurred and her behavior is worse. This you must work on being good at.
This whole idea of just being yourself in a relationship is loaded with BS because sometimes even your best self is pretty crappy. Stop writing her insults - instead be verbal and confrontational. Writing messages like this is passive aggressive behavior and weak. I think what you need is just face to face confrontation.
Not so much arguing, just letting her know how pissed off you are instead of holding it in lol. I Turned in to another person from being on too high a dose I never realised until I stopped taking it. I stopped taking it cause my wife that I love very much was struggling.
So stopped my meds cause I was like a zombie all the time and too high a dose turned me into a shell of my former self. Plus I just wanted to be my self again and take the sum strain of her and help out more. I have always been a nice Good morally sensitive guy. She knows Im a nice guy with a good heart and morals but I been really ill for 5 wks and Now I think she has totally given up me and our relationship was a amazing until I was given too much meds.
Though I just started taking my meds again on much lower dose today. I know we could get threw this and back to both being happy. What can I do To make it easier for her until my meds are working properly. This is with any type of drug. Just abruptly quitting drugs can kill you since the body becomes reliant on them.
Just keep it as low as you can while still feeling like your true self. Let me know what her response is. My story: Met this guy at a funeral, seemed pretty nice.
We started talking, and talking, and talking 3 hours every night. Great conversationalist, talked about everything. Find out he is mids, retired, small income, barely making it.
10 Honest Truths About Being Married To Someone Who's Bipolar
I overlooked that, no problem. Started to date, movie and back to his place. I encourage him to seek employment, too young to not work.
He applies, gets a job 2, miles away. I help him financially to get there, even took the drive. We see each other four or five times in eight months, mostly communicate by phone.
Bipolar dating and marriage
Phone conversations start diminishing, 3 hrs, 2 hrs, 1 hr, 45 minutes. Continue on, same patterns, less and less communication. Then he starts to disappear for hours, no answer phone or texts. Happens more and more, same stuff. Accusation, blow-up, no talk for a day, apology, start over again.
Arguments and blow-ups are monthly now, starting in August. I arrive the 7th, to stay 10 days. On the 4th day there he says he has a meeting to attend at He leaves at I wait untilno answer to call or text.
No answer. I suspect something else was up. The next day he gets sick at work, yet we go to purchase a very expensive soundbar. We get gas near home.
He broke my phone. I stay 2 more days, fly home. I have never in my life had a man to be so rude to me. It was horrible and scary. He sends these ugly texts and voicemails, none of which I responded to. He changed his number, then decides to call me ranting some more and gave left the new number for me.
I really have no questions after reading all of this stuff. I responded to his text by saying the first few days were really great, that I enjoyed them, but that I too am baffled as to what it was all about. Baffled. Oh, and btw, he actually was out on a date with the new girl 25 miles away while I was waiting!
This was on the 4th day of my visit, after such a beautiful Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and partial Tuesday about-face! The arrogant, belligerent, brutal brute that he became was unimaginable!
Last thing, I spent countless hours, time and money building him up, encouraging him to become more, only for him to become successful and do a and say oh well, think I want to spend all of this goodness on someone else now! Great job, you! In all honesty, I think these articles are great.
However, I think you make us BPD girlfriends sound more manipulative and monstrous than we actually are. I would really, really appreciate it if you could actually touch on the thought processes of the BPD mind more often, because you offer a lot of talk about misunderstanding the girlfriend, and not quite enough on what there actually is to understand.
Seriously though, these are great and the only thing holding me back from forwarding your articles to my other half is the fact that there is way too much emphasis on protecting oneself. I agree that is key to survival, but a relationship really should not be about survival. Like I always say, every Borderline is different. Some are insane, others are quiet and such. I stayed because of the porn like sex and thought I fell in love but realize non e of it was true, just a lie.
Mine went from wanting to go to Vegas and get married, claiming I was her greatest love ever in life to calling the police and accusing me of DV when I peacefully came to her home to give her apartment keys back after we broke up. She seriously lost her shit and after I was in jail proceeded to get drunk and behave like a whore. It may say worth it but this is the reality of how they can and will destroy other peoples lives and still claim to be the victim.
Mar 11, Dating someone with bipolar disorder Ar u dating a bipolar man, r hv u vr bn in a relationship with a person fftd mn³ dr¾¾³n? L¾t n³ght, I wnt ut with a man in Rl³gh frm Mth.m, who is ttrt³v, rt³v, ¾u¾¾ful, xtrml ³ntll³gnt Navigating any romantic relationship - whether it's dating or marriage - can be a tricky endeavor. Add bipolar disorder with its roller-coaster ride of emotions into the mix, and relationships Author: Stephanie Watson. Is it possible to be happy if you marry a person who has.
Lol well this is what happens when sex becomes a huge deal for you. Sex is like 30 minutes of a 24 hour day. Wife of 20 years. Bi polar 1. Constant ups and downs. Financial nightmares. Neglect of children and home. Drug abuse. Alcohol abuse. Drove me nuts. I would fight and verbally abuse her endlessly when she lied or neglected her responsibilities. Now in hindsight I wish I did. She never took her medicine and constantly marginalized the severity of her illness.
Now after a horrid break, following several years of a crappy, loveless marriage I have found my own sanity again. Hell, I voluntarily submitted to ECT to eliminate my depression. It worked. Now separated from my wife I have decided to attempt a reconciliation.
She is now taking her medicine and is clearly stable. I am spending a weekend with her soon a date and am seeking advice on how I should proceed. What is craziest of all is as soon as my depression lifted my life got infinitely better and my love and desire for her came pouring back in like a torrent.
Am I nuts to try and salvage this thing? There are kids involved, too. She leapt at the idea of the date. Hey this is easy man, just be yourself and have a good time on the weekend. Just enjoy your time together, keep it simple and relaxed. No pressure. Just enjoy yourselves. Have zero expectations. No judgments, no arguments.
Leave the past in the past. We have been together 8years and I have known all along that he has bi polar but over time has had reason to suspect BPD and definitely alcoholism. I have love, supported, ignored and excused. And what do I do now? Stay or go. I see a lot of his characteristics within other members of his family too. His mother is a compulsive liar who feels the need to manipulate and control everyone. She often tries to hide behind religion and although seems to come across as a very well presented woman, she does in fact have other ulterior motives that only benefit herself.
Is it normal to sleep in the same bed as your mother? I often wonder if this is why he is like he is. I do feel somewhat sorry and pity towards him but then the other sides to him quickly change my view. Since we have been living apart he has deliberately scalded himself and has mixed medication and alcohol to cope with his suicidal thoughts.
Can our marriage be saved? Which to me it sounds like you gotta go. Enjoy your freedom from this man. Work on yourself, give your children the best environment you can. Having him away from your kids is a good thing for them, believe me. Turns out he lives 80 miles from me now, pure coincidence since we grew up 1, miles from here. We exchanged numbers started talking every night for hours, after a few weeks we finally saw each other and spent the weekend in my city.
We decided to be exclusive and picked up where we left off 25 years ago, it was sweet and amicable. Everything was wonderful then 2 months into it I asked him about a photo that was taken while I was out of town, he flipped out on me, started pacing the apartment yelling at me, his rage came out of nowhere, sobbing I left my apt for work when I returned he took all my food and my extra apt key! Back and forth texting fighting ensued for weeks.
Back story, we dated in high school and I was bullied by a girl who liked him too, eventually it ended I never told him about he bullying. So, 5 years ago he married said bully, he started seeing her after being away for 20 years. Furious at this I emailed the wife and had it out with him. Lie to me about his wife? I am still trying to understand wtf I did for this to happen! In the beginning of our fight I was trying to make up with him, just move on from this, it turned into a horrible exchange over a period of 5 weeks, I blocked him on FB and my phone.
How does a person go from wonderful to a monster instantly?
It turned bad because this guy clearly has issues that are far bigger than you. At least you got out early before it got serious so give yourself a pat on the back for that. That is just silly. Would you sit and argue with a 5 year old? We broke up in August of after snooping through my phone to find things. She made me out to be a cheater cause my Facebook activity showed me liking random video posts and a friend request like two a girl a thought knew.
In the past, usually, some event would happen were end up together hanging out, next thing I know we are back together. The hater phase would more than not end up in break up and the cycle continues. Throughout the years, her number one thing to randomly attack me over was that we never moved forward.
I never proposed to her. We never could accomplish that. I realize now a lot of that was my fault because of how I treated her.
Not bad, but after the initial high of a week or two being together, I believe I curves my behavior to go into a protective shell waiting for her to blow up over something and leave. I heard a rumor from a distant friend that she was sleeping with my old best friend when we were broken up. I came at her pretty aggressive trying to get to the bottom of it for about a week off and on. She acted nuts when I confronted her, but change the subject and it was almost like I never questioned her.
Before even questioning her, I wanted her back, but was trying to be strong. Now after re-analyzing our entire relationship after the news. I decided I wanted her back at any cost. Anyway, needless to say, my head was not in the right place trying to talk to her about getting back together. I felt like if we moved forward and I proposed and we started working on a wedding date it would, remove a lot of bitterness from not moving forward in the past and help ease her insecurities.