Michael walked to the corner store with his dating and her friend after dinner one tape to get ice cream. When he returned home a half violence later, he saw that he had several missed calls and a few text messages, including one that said, "Are you cheating on me? Even when it is difficult, it's really important to trust your violence and not assume the worst when they don't respond to text messages or phone calls right away. Last night, Katherine and her boyfriend Adam got into a fight. Today, she got her mark back for useful tape's math test, and she didn't do well. After a bad day, she normally talks to Blog, but she hesitates to call him, wondering if he will even answer.
She feels there is a lot of evidence pointing to the rapist's guilt. What can you do for your friend? FACT: Although police handling of rape cases is improving, it is still generally inexcusably poor.
Way too many police remain ignorant about how to handle and investigate rape cases, and way too many just plain don't like rape cases, so they try to get rid of these cases, often by letting the case run dormant and cold.
But there are many unique investigative techniques that make acquaintance rape cases often very simple to solve, such as pretext phone calls, close examination of the suspect's pre-rape behavior, of the victim's post-rape behavior, her post-rape conversations with others, and much more.
Tell your friend it's nowhere near time to lose hope. Tell her it sounds to you as if this detective is just trying to dump the case. The fact that the detective didn't call her for four weeks is suspicious to begin with. So is the fact that he referred to the case as a "he said, she said," which is true of virtually all crimes.
After all, the suspect usually says the opposite of the victim no matter what the crime. That the detective didn't send the case to the District Attorney's office to make the final decision on prosecution is also suspicious. And perhaps most alarming of all is the detective's cruel statement to the victim that the suspect "seemed like a nice guy. Tell your friend there are a number of things you and she can do to get the case handled properly.
The two of you can arrange a meeting with the head of the sex crimes unit. Or you can write a letter outlining your concerns, what the detective said, and give your reasons why you think the case can be solved. You can send the letter to the chief of police and a copy to the mayor.
Dating abuse scenarios
Or you can call a victim advocate and ask her to help you be heard, or you can call a trusted police officer in another department and ask him or her for advice. If your friend is nervous about doing these things, remind her that she has every right to a full and competent investigation of the rape. It's just that sometimes women have to fight very hard for justice. You've been helping your friend get out of a violent marriage.
She got the police to arrest him, she testified against him, she got a restraining order and she got custody of the children. And even with all this going on, she got a new job, too. Your friend has been doing very well, indeed, putting together a new life for herself and her kids. But today your friend calls you in tears and desperation.
She just got a legal notice of cause from the landlord to evict her from her apartment. What can you do to help her? FACT: This situation is all too common and very unjust. Most landlords just don't care whether she was the victim or the perpetrator of the crime. Theoretically, this kind of eviction of domestic violence victims should be considered discrimination against women under the housing civil rights codes.
But case law to date doesn't support that view. Nonetheless, there are a couple of things you can try that may save her housing.
Have your friend gather her rental agreement, the legal notice that came in the mail, and a notebook. Find out as much as you can about her legal rights and options. Start by calling your regional office of Fair Housing and other housing agencies. Even if your friend doesn't have a legal right to stay in the apartment, there are usually a number of steps she can take to delay the eviction process a number of months. Make a direct appeal to the landlord. But first appeal to the most professional people your friend knows - perhaps a teacher, her minister, her health care worker, a professional neighbor, or her boss.
Ask them to help by signing a letter to the landlord or by meeting with the landlord. Ask them to explain to the landlord how hard your friend has fought to get the violence out of the apartment, and the many ways in which she is stabilizing her life.
Suggest to the landlord that your friend has proved she won't tolerate violence, and that she is exactly the kind of tenant he should want to keep. If all else fails, plead with the landlord for sufficient time for your friend to look around and find an appropriate new home. Your friend is very upset about the abusive behavior she received from police when she went to report being beaten by her ex-husband.
It's important to remember that both stories and scenarios can be victims of dating violence. Emotional abuse is when one partner uses words or futures to control, frighten or isolate another or take away their self-tape. Emotional abuse is sometimes called psychological abuse. Session 9: Preventing Dating Sexual Abuse: A quiz, analysis of scenarios and a discussion with peers help students learn about the issue of dating sexual abuse and how to prevent it. Session Reviewing the Safe Dates Program: Through discussion, evaluation and a poster contest, students will review the safes dates program. Defining Dating Abuse Scenarios (handout 5) (two pages) scissors pens or pencils Preparation Needed 1. Read this session's background information. 2. Post the ground rules, if they aren't still up. 3. Obtain local or state statistics on dating abuse from your community's domestic violence crisis center, county mental health service, or local.
And she's also upset because she doesn't think the officer took her situation seriously because he didn't take any notes. When you suggest going to a sergeant or a captain to protest the abusive officer, and to ask that the report be better handled, your friend seems more frightened than ever and says she doesn't want the police to be hostile with her too. FACT: Remember that one of the deepest injuries of rape and domestic violence, is that the victim's right to self-determination has been violently taken over by another.
When you're trying to help an adult victim of rape or domestic violence, one of the most important guidelines is to respect at all times the victim's right to control her own course of action, even when you feel strongly that another course of action is better. Before trying to tell your friend why you think it would be better to go to a sergeant or captain to complain and get the report redone, tell your friend very clearly that you're going to respect her decision percent about how to handle the situation.
Tell her you're never going to intervene against her will. Then ask her if you can explain why you think your suggestion is good for her safety. If your friend still thinks this idea isn't right for her, try suggesting some other possibilities, like having her write up a statement of the things she thinks the officer should have written down, taking that statement to the police department, and telling the person at the desk that you want to enter the statement into the crime report if one was written, or suggesting she get a restraining order.
Tell her without something on the record, you're very worried for her safety. If your friend still doesn't want to do any of these things, don't push her. Remind her that you're going to respect her decision. Tell her that you're still going to be there for her any time she wants help. Very often, even though it doesn't seem so to you, other people know what timing and action is best for themselves. Remember too, that just by having laid out options to your friend, you have helped her immensely by having opened her field of possibilities.
A coworker friend of yours is being sexually harassed by another coworker at the company where you all work. It all started when your friend said she didn't want to go out on a date with the guy.
At first, he started sending her sexy cards and flowers even when your friend told the man she wanted it to stop. Then he began following your friend out to the parking lot after work. She just kept repeating to him that she didn't want to date him, and kept asking him to please leave her alone. But he just kept getting more persistent. Now your friend comes to you shaking. She shows you a note that was left on her windshield that says, "You will die, bitch.
Warning Signs of Dating Abuse. There are many warning signs of dating abuse and they should always be taken seriously. A pattern does not have to occur for it to be considered dating violence - one incidence of violence is abuse and it is one too many. Warning signs of dating violence are similar to those seen in adults. Dating violence is physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a romantic or sexual partner. It happens to women of all races and ethnicities, incomes, and education levels. It also happens across all age groups and in heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Some people call dating violence domestic abuse, especially when you live with.
What can you do now to help your friend? FACT: It is true that this is a case of sexual harassment in the workplace, which is a violation of your friend's civil rights. And as such, the company is required under civil rights law to make sure the harassment of your friend is stopped.
But if you look closely at most cases of workplace and school sexual harassment, you'll often see that the harasser's actions are also criminal. Stalkers are very dangerous. They rarely stop unless they are made to stop by authorities, and they should be reported to the police.
Tell your friend you are very worried for her safety. Tell her she should stop talking or responding to him in any way, that even her negative response to him will make things worse. Tell her you will accompany her to report to the police and to the company.
Before going to report to the police and to the company, make photocopies of the threatening note and of the cards. Make at least one set of copies for your friend to keep and one for the company.
Police will want the originals.
Our program is implemented through a program called the Teen Dating Violence Toolbox. The Toolbox includes information which will be helpful to certified trainers in facilitating class discussions and school activities about various cts of Teen Dating tiendakiteboarding.com Size: 6MB. abuse (e.g. elder abuse), and interpersonal violence (e.g. between friends) that while important, are not the same as dating violence. Also mention that while both males and females can be victims and perpetrators of dating violence, the greatest majority of reported victims are female and the greatest majority of recorded perpetrators are tiendakiteboarding.com Size: KB. Dating Matters - Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention Launch Training. DATING MATTERS : UNDERSTANDING TEEN DATING VIOLENCE PREVENTION Training for Educators is a free, online course available to educators, school personnel, youth mentors, and others dedicated to improving teen health. Follow a school administrator throughout his day as he highlights what teen dating violence is .
Also before going to report, have your friend jot down as many of the incidents as possible and have her bring those notes with her when she goes to report so that she can give as thorough a report as possible.
Once at the police station or in a manager's office nervousness often causes people to forget important cts of the situation. Help your friend get a restraining order against the perpetrator so that all future attempts at contact by the perpetrator will be criminal acts for which he can be arrested.
Your friend tells you that she received a subpoena in the mail to testify against the man who raped her. She says she's really afraid to go forward with the case because she lied to the detective that interviewed her.
She told the detective she wasn't using drugs when she was raped. She tells you she was afraid that if she told the detective she was using drugs, they wouldn't pursue the case, or that they would arrest her, or not believe her about the rape. But the truth is she was using cocaine with the man who raped her. Your friend doesn't want to lie about this anymore, but she's still afraid if she tells the truth now the case will be ruined. What advise can you give your friend? FACT: Though it is extremely unusual for women to lie about a rape or domestic assault, it sometimes happens that a victim withholds key information, or lies about, peripheral cts of the case at early police interviews.
Victims may do this because they fear that police won't believe them, won't pursue the case, or will arrest them. In general, however, if the victim of a serious crime such as rape or domestic violence was herself in violation of a lesser crime such as using drugs or violating her probationpolice will pursue the more serious crime and ignore the victim's lesser offense.
In addition, a good prosecutor can explain this kind of victim behavior to the court, and can explain the reason for the lie. And they can usually keep it from damaging the prosecution case. Tell your friend that victims sometimes withhold or lie about information surrounding a rape for the reasons given above. But now it's important that she go to the detective or the prosecutor on the case and tell the truth.
Tell her this kind of lie rarely derails the possibility of prosecution. If at all possible, try to arrange an in-person meeting with the detective or prosecutor to convey this information.
And try to make sure that when she goes to this meeting that you or another good friend will accompany her. Your friend calls you to tell you that she called last night because her husband was threatening to kill her. She said her husband even showed her the gun he was going to use, and then he showed her the bullet. Her husband pushed the bullet hard against her forehead and said, "It's going right through there. She says her husband just kept telling the police, "She's crazy, she's crazy," and it seemed like the officer believed him.
Your friend says the officer didn't arrest the man or take his gun out of the house. FACT: 1. Threats to kill are a crime, and they should be taken very seriously, especially when the threat contains specific details about how it will be carried out. The police officer in this case should have arrested the man, or at the very least the officer should have given your friend an emergency protective order, removed the man from the house, removed the guns from the house, and written a criminal report against the man for making terrorist threats.
It is most crucial in domestic violence, rape, and child abuse cases that all interviews with non-English speaking victims be done by fully bilingual officers or by professional translators. Most all police departments have 24 hour access by telephone to banks of professional interpreters. There's no excuse for officers' not using these services to assure full and accurate victim statements.
Remind your friend that she has a Constitutional right to equal protection of the law, even though she doesn't speak English, and even though she may not be in the country with proper documents. Go down to the police station with your friend. Tell the front desk the story of what happened with your friend the night before. Tell them you are concerned that the officer didn't understand the seriousness of the situation because of language problems.
Tell them you want either a fully bilingual officer or a professional translator to talk with your friend so that police will have an accurate victim statement.
And so that the case can get handled properly, including having the guns and the perpetrator removed from the home. Also, have your friend write out a full statement of what happened.
Naturally she should write it in Spanish. Make two or three photocopies of that statement. Have your friend keep at least one copy for herself. Give the original to the police.
Ask the police to enter that statement into the criminal case file. Your friend should also get a domestic violence restraining order against her husband.
And if the husband isn't in custody, your friend should stay in a shelter or other safe place. Suggest to your friend that she file a formal complaint against the officer for failing to treat her case competently and seriously.
For a couple of years now you've tried to convince your friend to get out of a violent relationship and sometimes it seems like she tries. You notice that things have gotten much more serious over the last month. You've seen a lot more bruises. She's told you he's been playing with his guns and making threats to hunt her down if she tries to leave. She says that the last couple days he's been constantly waking her up in the middle of the night to rant and order her around, and during the day he won't leave the house.
Today she calls you and says that last night things were so bad she tried to leave. But he grabbed her before she could get out the door, threw her in their room and raped her brutally. He said he would never let her go, and threatened that if she dared call the police he was going to kill her for sure. There are moments in the conversation when your friend sounds terrorized, but mostly she seems paralyzed by numbness, despair, and exhaustion.
Suddenly she says "He's here", and hangs up. FACT: Though you should always respect a victim's decisions about how to handle her own situation, there are exceptions. In this case there are a number of things indicating a very high risk of imminent danger - the escalating violence around her attempts to leave, the repeated threats to kill, the gun play, the middle of the night rants and daytime unwillingness to leave, the sexual violence, and your friend's terror and exhaustion - all these together suggest a very high potential for homicide.
Part of this may be because of the way teenagers see themselves and because of their newness to dating. According to The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence, young men and women may have certain beliefs that lead to a higher incidence of dating violence.
And while all of those beliefs can also be seen in adults, they are likely more prevalent in teens. There are many warning signs of dating abuse and they should always be taken seriously. A pattern does not have to occur for it to be considered dating violence - one incidence of violence is abuse and it is one too many. Warning signs of dating violence are similar to those seen in adults.
These signs of dating abuse can be seen outside the relationship and include:.
Dating Matters - Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention
Within the relationship itself, there are also signs of dating abuse: 2. Dating violence is any situation in which one partner purposefully causes emotional, physical or sexual pain on another. Examples of dating emotional abuse include:. Devon said he'd dump Maria if they didn't hook up. Maria eventually gave into Devon's demands.
Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD. All Rights Reserved. Site last ated May 11,