I love men. It really is ALL about you, ladies! The vast majority of these guys are not the self-centered, testosterone-led, immature boys you met and maybe married in your 20s or 30s. They have matured. Thank goodness, right? The only way you can empathize is to know their side of the story.
I would have probably called bs on this list 2 years ago. I am slowly learning to take control of my happiness. Thanks for a slew of new measures to help me do so! This is sage advice for people who are in their 40s and divorced. There are so many things to enjoy and look forward to! Thank you for your great advice.
I can relate with woman whose spouse left her after 27 years of marriage. I have the same story but I decided to pursue a happy ending. Made my bucket list and enrolled in graduate school and the gym. Feeling good about myself. First ever visit, first blog read here. And I subscribed immediately based on this alone. I adore this list. I adore the acknowledgement of the anger, the serious celebration of the freedom, and the message of the brightness of the future.
Fun list! This sort of multifaceted message is exactly what I was seeking tonight. I emailed my old beloved counselor asking for her to take me on again so I can deal with this crazy divorce anger but I also want to focus on the hopeful, powerful, positive cts of my new-found freedom. I am so ready to move on and already you have helped me.
I am so grateful to have found you! Looking forward to reading it. Thanks for your positive thoughts! I was divorced after 29 years, out of the blue. I thought my life was over! It takes time to rebuild a life but it can be whatever you want it to be!
49 Reasons to be Inspired by Dating, Getting Older and Yes, Your Divorce
Thank you again for all that you do. Seriously, you should be a therapist. Thank you beyond measure. You are so much smarter than you were as a 20 something idiot. Whether you choose to grab it is your decision. Older men are better in bed than younger guys. True friends never judge. They are loyal and will catch you when you fall.
Want to laugh nonstop? Watch Family Guy. You are never too old to find love. Older, wise people are able to see inner beauty so much easier than younger people. He is your past.
YOU are your future. There are WAY too many reasons this can happen and I try not to dwell on it at all. It could be anything. My ex-husband did this to women through online dating sites because it did something for his ego. Maybe his ex-girlfriend showed up and they worked it out. Maybe he lost his nerve. Move on. There are plenty others. You could possibly ask them, you know, be an equal partner. She had been wondering about the place as well. We had a wonderful time talking we went overtime!
I just felt at ease with her. But I am not going to deny that it is nice knowing right away that me and my new fancy seem to be really into each other right away. That said, if a man promises to call you back, and you have expressed real interest than cannot be mistaken and he fails to, next!
Thanks got your comment and got sharing your story, Danny.
And for agreeing with me. I hope you continue to have a wonderful time getting to know this nice woman! I am so happy to report Bobbi that my date with my beautiful Asian sweetie went well, and we even shared a first kiss at the end of the afternoon!
I have never dated a woman that is older than me. I have no idea why. I love Chinese cooking. Most of all it makes me feel good. I have always had these qualities, but I just never met the right woman for me who appreciated them. She seems and I am so happy. She cooked for me one of my favorite dishes: authentic Kung Pao chicken with spring rolls and rice. I was offered some Merlot, but I had to remind her about my profile. Wine is so associated with romance. After supper we took a walk along the beach and exchanged a beautiful kiss at sunset.
We headed back to her place and watched a couple of good documentaries on PBS my favorite kind of TV before I started to tire out and mentioned I needed to go home. We spent a good couple of minutes making out before I departed. Things are going so well! I got home and put my head on my pillow with her pleasantly in my dreams, but I woke up later feeling kind of scared. Three things:. Anyone who comes to my place can see I live a fairly frugal lifestyle.
There are zero obvious abuses of credit cards, loans and other things. I just got handed a bad deck of cards. It does cut down on some of the spontaneity in my life and my ability to travel which I have never been a big fan of anyway. Occasional weekend get away splurges are fine, but they have to be planned. I am not waiting until marriage. Fortunately, through therapy, I have grown comfortable with the kinds of amorous things that me and Asian Sweetie are doing right now.
But in order to go further, I need more time, and for her to know me better. She must know about my broken childhood, the mental illness that resides in my family, etc. And the fact that I was violated. I need to feel she can handle occasional expressions of emotional weakness and vulnerability from a man yes, I do cry - I lost my mom at a young age without it negatively influencing her romantic feelings towards me.
Like they expected me to die on my horse than fall off of it. The relationships ended soon afterward with no explanation. I have subsequently read in Dr. I have seen nothing from Asian Sweetie to indicate that she needs some kind of macho guy, but things are really starting to happen for us, and there is big time attraction.
Anyone who shares at that deep kind of level is showing their trust in you. They tossed away a sweetheart of a man. I hope these revelations bond us closer together, but it could cause a wedge. Just to show that I understand or want to understand. Plus, I am wanting a LTR, and I just think the better communication you develop as a tandem, the better the sex will be in the long run.
Because you have to talk about it in detail. Online dating allows for playing the field. I have no issues if Asian Sweetie is seeing other men besides me right now, but in a couple of dates, I am going to want exclusivity. I think people are reluctant to open up about themselves that much if they are cognizant that their date is seeing other people. They can only go so far because there is no emotional investment, and not enough time has transpired. To decide if this is really the person for you.
The aquarium date will be our 4th date. If it goes exceptionally well, I may want to ask Asian Sweetie if it is okay that we just see each other for a period to see if can turn what we have into a deep commitment. Is this too soon? Am I wrong about the need to have a period where you only see each other but acknowledge that more time needs to pass before you start assigning relationship titles?
I am terribly sorry for the length of this message, but this is the time where Danny tends to get a bit scared, and I need some women here to help me out here. Bobbi - you and so many of your female readers understand this. Sorry if my reply Bobbi was too long or personal for the forum.
I completely understand. Just hope my Asian sweetie understands. Danny B. Most of it on the wrong places.
With my head in the wrong place. And now here I am again 6 months after starting over again. There are several men I know that are sniffing around now that I am single. Price you pay for being a tiny blonde even at This time I want the right guy. Who likes me. Not my looks or my nice paycheck. But the rest of me. The part that is smart and educatedand likes football, old motorcycles, and bullriding.
That will talk to me and not at me. And listen when I have something to say. I have hope that the guy is out there somewhere. I digress I am Madly crushing over a 40year old. He works more than expected. Highly passionate about his job. My brain sat down one day, had a nap for 2weeks During that time I smiled like a weirdo AT him.
I feel strongly that chasing after him is the wrong choice. This has to get out of the office or nowhere. I am a newly 40yr. Slim built.
Recently divorced. No kids. I have a stable excellent career. I have known my ex-husband for 12 years. I am attracted to guys between the ages of 40yr. I also prefer guys with no kids as I do not have kids but would like to share having our first child experience together. And I definitely do not want baby mother issues. But, I have been told many times that guys in their 40s prefer girls in their 20s and 30s. I want to be with someone that have lived in the same time period as me. Maybe guys find young girls to be more youthful, attractive, or fertile in their 20s and 30s.
I truly do not understand. Nevertheless, I am beginning to feel like I am unattractive to men my age. I have been on eHarmony for one month now, have not had one date, and only one guy have shown a little interest in my profile that was not over 50yr.
I have sent out tons of smiles and a few messages with no response. Can anyone give me some advice? I was considering going on match.
Dating again at 49
Please can someone give me some advice. Hope, you certainly have the right to ask for what you want in a potential partner. And you might consider opening yourself up to a man with children? Just a thought and best of luck. You are bound to find one or half a dozen. Unfortunately, If a man speaks to a woman in person these days, there had better be a cash register between them, or he just might trigger something unfortunate.
Online dating seems to be the last path to a human relationship. I am not where I want to be when it comes to he standards I set for myself. Before my last relationship, I could meet and date women in person. You seem confused. Those apps are for hookups.
You need a year or two after the divorce to get head straight been there. You are an athlete. So how do you calm yourself? You will eventually see clearly.
Today is my birthday. My 49 th birthday. So, in honor of my last year in my forties, I'd like to give you-my readers a gift. Actually, 49 gifts. Here are 49 reasons to be inspired by dating, getting older and yes, your divorce. The reasons are kind of like candles to make wishes on. So, after I list them, I will blow them out in your honor.
You seem realistic. Hope - despite the stereotypes, I am a 46 year old man who is dating a 53 year old woman. I think Bobbi said please correct if I am wrong that most guys date women who are within 5 years of their age, and some of us like the wisdom and beauty of women who are older.
There are always going to be the Mick Jagger, Peter Pan syndrome types. I suppose some guys who are older who have never had kids may want kids, but these men are in an extreme minority. I had gone over 3 years without a date myself. I found the love of my life last year. I figured out what I was really looking for in a life companion, then simply found a woman 2 years older that shared those same interests and desires.
I found out that both partners must be open to communication at all times, willing to listen, willing to try new things, and most importantly, confident in themselves. Ladies listen up.
Weve been there already. If were looking for 1 thing in a woman its truth.
1. Be psychotically optimistic about love.
Loyalty comes from truth. We know your not 25, were not 25at this point all we want is a woman who stands up for truth and loyaltyif you meet us, remember we went thru same crap heartbreak, crisis.
At this point- if you arent brave enough to see its later than you think, keep on walking. SO well communicated, Truth Guy. Thank you for that. That game got old long hours after it was invented, yet still seems to be very popular to be played today.
My favorite is when women hear I never been married or have kids. Hey Dougtime to look at things like a grownup. But so what!? I figured out how to get past that nonsense and do what I had to do to meet and attract the right man for me. Someone has to tell you this! Learn what you have to learn. Change what you have to change to help you live a happier life. The only thing holding you back is.
I do look around a lot, but where I live is pretty desolate. I do you develop confidence to date again? Recently separated. I have found someone that I really enjoy his company. I do not have his number. He did tell me where he lives one day. Would it be ok to just send him a note saying I enjoyed talking to him?
Amen Truth Guy. Glad to know there are men out there that have gone through some of the same things we women have and are tired of the BS as well. Thanks for sharing. True and it takes time, discerning the trust and honesty and consistence of the potential attachment. People need to cool it and get to know each other. They want to let you take them out and after diner they had to go. I had 1 real GF in my whole life, but after 5 years could see she only wanted it her way and over time was conditional love which I am opposed to.
Broke it off with her and end of this year will make the start of my 8th year without a date. The women I get interested in I watched how and what they talked about. I want to find a women who is like minded or at least in the ball park most are far mentally from me as if they in the next state. Few years back tried online dating for 2 years at 3 sites plus craislist before personals was remove sent out well over messages, kept it breezy and even went as far to mention and remark on things they wrote about so they know I read their profile.
The women where I live seem to act as if they need to be worshiped and stuff, even the unattractive ones.
What Dating After 40 Is Like for Men (Advice for Women) scared that I will somehow fail as a mom if I pause to put some attention on my own needs for a minute to try dating again, scared to repeat mistakes, and scared scared scared of everything. I'm divorce at 49, have 3 grown-up kids and longing to find a healthy relationship. Dating again at 49 - Want to meet eligible single woman who share your zest for life? Indeed, for those who've tried and failed to find the right man offline, online dating can provide. Find single woman in the US with online dating. Looking for sympathy in all the wrong places? Now, try the right place. Rich man looking for older man & younger man. Aug 05, Dating after 40 or 50 means taking control of your love life, just like you do the rest of your life. It means being kind to yourself and the men you meet. It means making good choices.
This is from to many men and not enough women. Oh well, not like I got enough money to move somewhere. I used to be laughing and fun and full of life. My friends GF is the only one in my whole life who tried to set me up with her gal pals. She has 5 friends in town and not one of them perks my interest at all. I am not into heavy set women, just the way it is.
I been called shallow many times to my face and online by women. If you take time you will fall in love with her. Attraction is what starts the ball rolling.
They give me a funny look when I tell them I am normal looking because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We can be all on the same network, but some have a broadband and everyone connects with them, others are narrow band and connections are seldom.
I was so wrong. Over the years I quit talking with most of them, gets old hearing about their marrage, all they people they are dating, their kids and this and that. Of course they ask me what I am up to, I kind of tapper off the conversation or would change what we are talking about. I read a few articles from women giving dating advice to women. They warn women of older men who never married or has kids then they go on to tell them they are afraid of commitment and stuff.
LOL whatever. Most churches I go to have events for kids, teens, young adults, college students, dating and golden oldies and widows. The age of 30 to 65 singles are totally non-existent and assumed you are married or dating.
Thanks for your time, Doug. Just had one for almost 3 years. Had some issues, but we all do. Received a breakup text out of the blue. Tried everything to fix and get stepped on after everything I did to help her and the kids. I do believe the feminist movement is helping to end good relationships. With that attitude good luck attracting a smart, accomplished, secure women. Bobbi, you need to check yourself on your one sided viewpoint.
If you are truly open minded, you would see that there is a point here. Men have evolved, they still love women as nature intended. Women need the equality they deserve and honestly, it is attractive to meet a strong woman who wants that. Hell or just makes a family stronger!
That is unattractive. Hmmm Mike. The horrible truth is meeting needs gets your needs met. But most are too needy to meet needs. Such is life.
Stop choosing selfish partners. Helping women is my First Priority. Listening to guys complain with no constructive feedback helps No One. There are tons of places that want to entertain your opinions, such as they are.
First of all, as Bobbi says, this site is ultimately for helping middle aged women who are coming back to the dating scene, which is not easy. Negativity is the last thing I need. I Agree, the defensiveness is masquerading as self help. I hate feeling that way but the lack of affection is making it hard to hide the neediness. Then you get dum ped like yesterday s news.
We do best when we come to a relationship as a relatively whole person, not a gaping wound of NEEDS that desperate to be met. It seems as though many of the men have given up on finding their best friend. If this is the case where does that leave me? You are a grownup woman and can decide to either let your fears keep you single, or learn some new things and go for finding love at this time in your life. That is what the vast majority of my clients do every day.
There are good men out there looking for their woman. There are plenty of men still looking for a best friend they can live their life with. Just get out there and be yourself. They may not be gold diggers per se, but damned few where I live are willing to be a partner that cares to build anything. Im 46, Im independentprofessional not bad to look at. To be 40, 50, 60 But still leave have all the energy to live life to the fullest. Someone to keep me in my toes, keeps me laughing and give me butterflies every time we see each other.
Some do and men do it to women as well. I learned a easy way to sort the money grabbers out when I used to date long ago. Meet for coffee and yes, buy. Then if they talked about diner or something like that toss the word GO DUTCH, if they get mad and leave then guess what, they was out for a free meal. Doug, my friend, you are SO off on this. Just meet ones that have a life! I encourage you to pay for the first dateall of it.
For most of the women here - all of whom are quite secure monetarily - they would consider your suggestion to go dutch as a deal-breaker. I speak from my experiences that I encountered from where I was living. Had far to many dine and dash dates is why I said that. Every city and state will vary in how dates go. Go Dutch. Tells me that man would not step up to the plate. This generally indicates a persons willingness to assume an existing trend that will continue or that similar methods will be applicable in the future.
In all honesty, your viewpoint would more accurately indication that it is HIM that will be paying for most everything starting with the first date simply because of his gender. Please expand on your line of reasoning. Perhaps you reverse the role on the second date. However, there would be no indication of that if your behavior is to be interpreted by the man from that first encounter. Call it unfair, imbalanced, old-fashionedwhatever you want.
Study it. Fight it as much as you likejust like many women do. And this discussion is for women as well as men, btw. There can and should be balance. Which, btw, is wrong when Jo says it too.
And that is nice. Take Care! Just like when the woman would like to take care of the man, maybe in different ways. She invites him over and cooks dinner. Yah, this sounds like a bunch of old-fashioned bullshit. But after so many years I finally acceptedthere is value in showing a nod to some natural way things have worked with men and women for eons.
Hunter, gatherer, my friends. I would BET that most men perhaps including you, Tom, would prefer a woman make you a lovely dinner than offer to pay for a date. Stop making all these assumptions and talk to each other.
Better yet, how about just approach each other with kindness instead of trying to keep score or figuring out who will be Superior and Inferior. How about just thinking about how we can make each other feel good? And my current partner did make dinner for me after the first few dates and first becoming friends. And I have been chivalrous in the past and I continue to do so. Experience in two long term relationships and three fleeting ones has proven that an imbalance exists in equal choices and equal responsibilities.
Many ladies are just simply glutinous and looking for a free ride with money or domestic chores or excessive validation. There is a huge number of women from dysfunctional families where I am.
Hang in there and keep trying. As a man I absolutely HATE gender roles and sexual stereotypes when it comes to dating, but when it comes to a first date, if I am the one that asked the woman out on the date, I feel it is proper to pay. After all, I did the asking.
I think if a girl asked me out on a date, and refused to pay, I would probably drop her if she refused to pay, because I consider it rude behavior. To me ethics, values and courtesy supersede gender roles and sexual stereotypes.
Feb 20, Dating can be an unnerving experience at any age. But dating after age 50 presents a unique set of challenges. "You have a year-old body with a year-old headset," says Judith Sills, a Author: Emily Brandon. Getting divorced later in life can be a drag. Dating in mid-life can feel impossible. But with the prospect of growing old alone, many people over the age of 45 ultimately start to actively date. Dating again at 49 - Rich man looking for older woman & younger man. I'm laid back and get along with everyone. Looking for an old soul like myself. I'm a lady. My interests include staying up late and taking naps. If you are a middle-aged man looking to have a good time dating woman half your age, this article is for you. Find single woman in the US with footing.
It makes it a lot easier to pay up! There is plenty of time later on in the dating cycle to talk about my abhorrence for gender roles and how uncomfortable with sexual stereotypes. You just have to suck it up and pay, and honestly, it is the right thing to do, but not because I am male.
But because I asked.
As to guys who want to go Dutch - that is fine, but in some ways it makes me feel sad because I think that the guy might be on a limited income. Dress like a poor man and ride a beaten up bicycle or ride a bus on dates. Then the only women you attract will love you for you. There are less gold diggers out there than woman that are financially stable and are just looking for a fun, honest partner that is interested in having a grownup relationship.
Those are attributes that can not be achieved oneself. I just turned So I would love to meet a man I am 61 and handicapped but very lonely as my husband passed away a few years ago but we had not been sexually active for many years and I am quite tired of being alone and need a mans arms around me. What do I do? Carla, you learn all you can about grownup men, dating and getting online in a healthy way. I have tons of articles on my blog that can help you get started.
I hope this helps and best of luck! Thank you for this article. Thank too for leaving the comment section open. I learned quite a bit just from reading those entries. And scared due to broken trust long ago and some abuse issues. I have a diagnosed mental illness that I manage well I think. I certainly know how to keep my problems to myself. Not a highly accomplished, sparkly, extroverted woman.
Over a year with a profile on one of the major dating sites, and no dates. None from my real-life interactions either. I will need to learn how to actually enjoy being alone, not just endure it.
And I need to spend as much of my time and energy as possible in earning more money. Thanks for all you do Bobbi.
At this time in life we all have crappy baggage. Give this a read and give yourself a break! Do some work on getting to know your beautiful feminine self. As we all are. She just wants validation and is needy but will never meet anyone. These types always latch on to me. I wasted over 2 years on dating sites and finally learned my lesson after hundreds of dollars down the tubes.
Dating sites are just a way to suck money out of men. You mainly have scammers, Pros and clowns to deal with. A man needs a woman when his young to give him the motivation to succeed so he can provide for her and children if applicable.
He just wants a best friend. If you get married your wife should be your best friend. Makes the marriage go better I am told. I think growing old alone is the worst way to die. When I turned 29 she left me for some guy she just met. They have two children now. I tried online dating and found it to be a really bad experience. After a couple weeks I gave up as it was making me depressed and ruining my self esteem. Myself, I am sorry for your loneliness and frustration. If you want to have a relationship with a woman you will have to start asking them out.
The vast majority of women, especially your age, are NOT going to make the first move. I encourage you to go online, ask women out for coffee or a drink if you find them interesting, and see where it goes.
They either accept or reject your offer of coffee and you move on. And make sure your profile has nice pictures and reflects the best, most positive side of you. You completely missed the whole point of his comment. He DID ask women out. Many of them. Did you read his comment? He said after a couple weeks he gave up.
He needs to build his own confidence then women will notice without him really asking. He mentioned in his comment that dating at work is off limits! I think when a company has a no dating within the workplace policy it is more exciting to pursue it.
We can always find a different job if that person turns out to be our future spouse and best friend. I feel for ya, I really do. I have pretty much given up on the dating thing as well, but after a couple of years really trying. At times I go to bed early to just get the day over with. Learn some new things so you can do the dating thing a little differently.
Rooting for you! Its not learning new things to do on a date. Your year-old may want to linger and go down the rabbit hole trying to figure it all out. Yep, just like he did. I know, you're mature, smart and competent. But every day I coach women like you through situations they wish they didn't get into. The last thing you want at 55 is to wake up in the morning with flashbacks to your days as a something, right?
Unless you can talk with your dude about safe sex and the status of your relationship after intimacy, steer clear of the sack. Take care of yourself by initiating a conversation and sharing your needs and wants. If you are dealing with a grown-up man he will appreciate and respect you for it.
If he's not; he won't. Good to know before you jump in! His manners, his shirt, his smile, the way he talks about his kids. This keeps you open to someone who might not be your type. Because after all, your type hasn't worked or you would be reading this. Yes, grown-up women flirt and men like it! Keep your body language open, play with your hair, smile, touch his arm. And best flirt of all: compliment him!
And bring your femininity to every date.