Remember Me? Buzz Articles Advanced Search. Forum Relationships Relationship Conflicts dating someone who lives with their ex. Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last Jump to page: Results 1 to 10 of Thread: dating someone who lives with their ex. We mostly flirted at work and just within this last year, we got together a few times.
If you are familiar with my philosophy you have to know the importance of never placing your ex on a pedestal. You are on the same level and you will be able to use many psychological and emotional tools geared towards getting back together with your ex and these will help you to get back in control of the situation and to prove your worth.
When all is said and done, you are free and you can show that to everyone. Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love How do I get my ex back when they are with someone else?
Magnolia, I can relate to what you said about being over an EX but not over the bullshit you went through while with the ex. The cutting down and the slip into oblivion is hard to forget. Losing yourself once or twice can change you. Some of the change is good, like self awareness, but some changes are like scar tissue, under the surface. We learn our sore spots and our new strengths, then how to be who we are again. Learning to be with someone new is an unfamiliar road with our new selves.
Going for a test drive is okay. Hey Magnolia, Good to hear from you. Maybe you are enjoying yourself? Maybe just slow down? You are in charge of your life. Could you copy this post from me to you?
Breathe Magnolia breathe. Maybe just enjoy? I agree. Slow down, Mags. Get to know him well. Wait til you feel like good pals before having sex. Go your pace.
Dating someone who loves their ex
Build reciprocal bonds before you add all the emotional stuff that comes in with sex. Presuming this guy is a decent, honourable fellow and you have to judge that over time, through actionsthen he is certainly not the guys of your past who have abused and assaulted you.
I am aware that I am treading in territory for which I am not trained, but I do think, from my own experiences, that you have to be careful with bringing in a bucketload of meaning to new relationships.
You have a chance to start afresh. You can handle this. You are stronger than you think, and you can always get out if you really need to.
Try to enjoy it.
I understand why someone would ask how do I get my ex back when they are with someone else because I coach people in this exact situation all the time. It's logical to feel doubtful and to endlessly mull the situation over in your head when you're wondering how to get your ex back when they are with someone else. What's Going on When You Stay in Touch With Your Ex Why keeping the idea of a reunion on the back burner may be a problem. Posted Sep 18, Mar 10, † dating someone who lives with their ex I have been out of the dating scene for quite awhile, but recently became chummy with a co-worker that I have worked with for a few years. We mostly flirted at work and just within this last year, we got together a few times. I kept myself at a friend level with him while we got to know each others tiendakiteboarding.com: Lunalite.
Let it roll out for a bit and then see how you feel. This is the early phase. Thanks ladies. He told me I was pretty and I had the passing urge to burst into the story of how ugly they said I was etc etc but the urge passed. I said thank-you. So far a few laughs and kind conversation have been nice. One leaves you wanting all the time, the other leaves you feeling hollow. It can be hard to connect the dots. You tell women who resonate with your words what they need to hear and exactly in my opinion how they need to hear it.
Often there is confusion and down right fantasy going on when we are in the flurry of a strong heart beat. I find you refreshing and very aware. I hope you will expand on the topics you blog and give women tips on how to navigate the terrain. Thanks for being you and the voice of reason when chaos can reign in relationships. You rock! Natalie, The last three posts are great companion pieces. That being said, I can also see the flip side.
It cuts both ways when you so clearly point out that there are 2 separate maybe 3 or even 4 coming to the table. Do I have this right?
Is it that simple? Thanks for this post Natalie.
I am actually just grappling with this issue now and talked about it in your previous post. A quick recap. Met a guy at a wedding about a month ago.
Over the course of the month we went out on three dates. He was always lovely and I felt we really hit it off. We chatted to the wee hours of the morning on our dates.
He even took me for a picnic in the park. However, between dates I barely heard from him. He kissed me briefly on the lips on the first date. But nothing afterwards. On our final date a week ago, we were watching a DVD, he put his arm around me. DVD finished. I went to kiss him. He pulled back. He apologised and told me that he was not over his ex-fiance, who he had broken up with for the second time about two months ago.
It actually really cut me up because we got on so well and I was really attracted to him. Because he acts like he is SO happy. But maybe I am being too unfair on him? However, I guess, if he really liked me, he would try and keep in contact with me or at least reconnect with me once he was emotionally available, otherwise it was not meant to be. Take his word for it and dont put yourself in the friend category with him.
I went out with a guy on 5 dates who never made a move, so I stated my concern over this and then I stopped communicating with him. It would be absolutely the wrong thing to do to hunt someone down for doing the right thing. Even if they did that right thing a little too late. LA - at least you got one. Let it be. Sure, you can probably wrestle a few more dates out of him, some sex, and some kind of halfhearted relationship. But why would you want to?
It should be freely given. You need to respect your own feelings about this guy. Normal, great if it had happened but.
He may see you as a friend, a transitional person, helping him back into the world of dating. Either way, you want to be with someone who wants to kiss you right on back.
I think you are making the right call. I had a really similar experience - went on a couple of fairy tale dates, but the guy pulled away from the goodnight kisses. That really stung. Over thought that to death - why would someone DO that? More than once? What was wrong with me? I had all the information I needed. People just do weird things. Oh please that kiss meant nothing why do women take a lousy kiss so seriously? Why do we eat cakes?
It depends on whether you want a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable and who will likely only use you as a band-aid because they are unable to let go on their own or if you are strong enough to handle disappointment. I was rom. Jan 23, † While someone not being over their ex means press your eject button, you might recognise this, you might not. You'd fear being 'impatient' and that after allowing yourself to be a Buffer, once they'd recovered in your Rebound Hospital, they'd skip on out of there and be an available, over-their-ex partner with a different person. Jun 28, † My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts. If you see your ex with someone new and this causes you pain, take my words of advice seriously. Go no contact with your ex without delay. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Your ex needs to experience life without you and get hurt before he or she will even think about coming back to .
Cause they taste good. Stop overthinking a kiss. FlowerWhite To me kissing is serious. But to others it really is not. Same with sex. Which in my opinion takes more than a date or maybe even three. Not in this life.
And if he does, anything more than giving LA a polite, innocent kiss is going to require some heavy explanation to the fiance. Even if he and the fiance are technically and freshly broken up, he still has emotional ties and he knows that sleeping with LA will be considered cheating.
Maybe a bit irresponsible of him to be out on dates only two months after ending things with a fiancee. My resistance has nothing to do with how cute or kissable the guy is. Anyway, I can relate to the end-of-date kiss hesitation. Even if I have already kissed. Magnolia, I just wanted to tell you that I am going out on my first date tonite.
I met the guy unexpectedly last Friday, he is super good looking. As usual I kind of pulled away because I was intimidated by his looks. I started responding to his attention, he was not overly aggressive but seemed respectable. He asked if I had a boyfriend and if I was interested in going on a date so I gave him my number.
He called the next day and set up a date, andgetthishe has not text me once. Only phoned appropriately to have an hour long conversation and that was it. Because of BR I have my head on the straightest it has ever been. When you have worked far enough down the path healing yourself, this type of situation will have less of an impact on you. As the others said, three dates is and should be nothing more to you than a minor disappointment. I had a similar situation last year with a man I really liked.
I knew he liked me, was attracted to me, but was not getting physical with me. Then the lightbulb went off. As I was in the same situation with the MM, we were like two grieving people looking for comfort. We reconnected about 6 months later just to say hi. No romantic expectations on either side. Long story short, we meet once in a while, have a glass of wine, he is still in and out with that relationship, I like him as a friend, end of story.
I moved on, have a great boyfriend, so even if he was interested, right now MY timing would not be right. He is still going through that relationship from hell, I actually do have empathy for him. Two years ago, all I would have felt was the rejection. It is not all about me, thanks for that gem Natalie!! Oldenough Thanks for sharing. I think the key is boundaries. And being able to accept things in a no-drama, matter of fact way.
Or if he does meet someone else completely. I feel as if I could deal with those scenarios, quite happily. Hell, it could take years for him to move on, do you really want to wait around for someone to heal from a break up?
It will only lead to pain. Cut your losses and focus on filling up your life with other, more straightforward stuff. Guilty as charged! I said OK, and agreed to go, but having doubts.
His behaviour is still a little odd. I guess, if I go out with him, it will need to be with the clear expectation that it is purely on a friendship level - nothing else. But then if we are just friends, do I tell him about my dates, or not? Let him find somebody else to play the role of crash test dummy in his practice exercises. While you go out on those other dates with guys who might actually turn out to be fully functioning adult males.
Sorry to say it but you have been friend-zoned. He is letting you know that you are not a priority. If you have feelings, you should let this guy go. It can be pretty devaluing when feelings are one-sided. If I met up with my other male friends, I would tell them about the dates. What I have realised through extensive BR study!
I really needed this gentle slap back into reality. You are so right. This is not going to happen. I have been slanting all his actions through my own lens, which hopes that he is interested. I must go back to reality of the situation and see it for what it is. Brilliant insight. Yes, I know - lots of red flags with this guy!
dating someone who lives with their ex
Too funny, Natalie! My answer: No. Not looking for a friend. Got plenty. Pretty damn sure none of them would show the lack of balls you just did by texting instead of calling. Kmacyou got it! He was just bad news from the beginning. He sounds immature and definitely EU.
My last ex used to compare me in a negative way to his ex, which was like convicting me for her crimes. I bailed eventually and never looked back. When we grovel at their feet to be the priority, we devalue ourselves and tell him we are okay with being second, or even third. Maybe he is having a great time, but that is all he wants right now. As soon as the great time starts to involve responsibility.
Thanks, SM and Jennynic for your support. And exactly, JennynicI felt convicted for crimes she committed! How could he possibly even know me after two dates? No amount of sexual attraction or great sex in the world is worth devaluing ourselves with these guys! Thanks for the advice Jennynic! Yes, you are right. I like his company, but is it worth it? How did I miss the signs, even when they were blatant? Months in, I found old pornographic images and videos on his computer freshly viewed for his entertainment.
It made me sick and sent me in to a spiral. In combination with a million other red flags, it all makes sense now. Bright as day.
Never again, I will never again allow me to be disrespected. When your EUM looks you in the eyes and tells you he wants nothing more than to be with you, look right back in to his and remind yourself that they are only words. I WILL love, cherish, and respect myself. With you Red Velvet, pics and messages to old girlfriends entirely disrespectful. Action, action, actions everytime.
He clearly showed me time and time again that he was not over his ex, I even looked for signs out of paranoia and jealousy Lord knows I found them.
I feel so angry at myself for still thinking about him day and night. Yeah, you will be up and down, wholly understandable after this. Feel for you. Have you checked the back catalogue of articles on here? You need to work on why you wanted to be with someone who did that, was capable of that. It will take a bit of time, again, positive and normal. Take it in bits. No rush. However, the guy you describe, his behaviour, his ex issues, you, the next one after you!
Above all, Red Velvet, pat yourself on back, cry, scream,get angry whatever worksbut you have had lucky escape. He is serial. Big time. Be good to you. But eventually, lukewarm or downright cold kicks in. I went through a very similar experience. My ex of 3. I was devastated. My ex was a man-child and he had major issues. The answer is NO! Six months on, the honeymoon stage with this new woman is well and truly over. The few posts that she does write are about her crying all the time, and not being an alcoholic but liking to drink.
I actually feel a little bit sorry for her. So give your ex time. He will revert back to his old ways.
He has become her problem now.
I haven't done this segment in a while (and still need to find a more efficient way to do it) but after watching a very interesting episode of True Life on MTV due to broken foot immobility, I was really curious to find out how people feel about dating someone who lives with their ex. At first, they will convince you that they are over her. She broke his heart, shattered it into a million little pieces, and he can't forgive her for it. So you will convince yourself that he cannot still be in love with someone who hurt him like that. You know that you are better for him, and he knows that you are better for him. Mar 10, † For both your sakes, end the relationship. They clearly are not ready to be in a relationship with anyone else now. You are in the rebound position. If their ex came back to them today wanting to work things out,you'd be dust in the wind. Let the.
Be glad that you have dodged a bullet with this guy, and that you are free to meet someone worthy of you. My AC was caught up in his ex - called her, infantalised her, lashed out to me about her, but then, of course, dismissed my concerns about their attachment. It was a joke, and one I paid for. Early days, but looking good, and I am relaxed about how it all goes - that is new for me!
Thanks Natasha! Thanks again Natalie!!!!!!!!!! During this period of vetting men I had a drinks date with a man who showed me pics of his ex girlfriend on his iPhone!
Now, when a man mentions photos I perk up. Photos are the doorway to his inner world I study them carefully When did you break up?
I asked. Two years ago, he said. Say wha? Ladies stop being the emotional nursemaid. Takes a lot of get over a person. I know not just think but know, that if I went on a date with someone and they produced a call phone with pics of an ex of two years agothey would be looking at an empty chair!
The mind boggles. Nice to meet you Goodbye was a great call! I think some guys do this as a way of showing off when they think their ex is attractive i. A nowadays if one of the first pics that a guy volunteers to show me is one his exflush delete. So totally not over her. Immature and EU men do that as a test. I bow out! Flower totally agree. I have some girlfriends that just jump from one man to the next and they claim the guy is eu, which he is but so are they. My friend was devastated. He went straight from the gf to dating a string of women, trying to get over that relationship, which when he was in it, he didnt want to be there in the first place hence the break up.
He never said he wasnt over her but I could tell by all the things he did. Natalie, I just want to say I discovered this site a few weeks ago and am blown away by your ability to articulate the fears, thoughts, hopes, dreams and delusions of people. I admire the fact you have turned negative past experiences into an opportunity to show compassion for others, offer wise advice and be the voice of reason.
What a timely post. I saw a guy for 6 weeks who called regularly, was affectionate physically and verbally, opened doors, was gentle, shy and commented how happy I made him. Finally, I thought. I meet a guy with a kind heart and whose actions matched his words. I was going overseas for a month and the week before I left he started acting standoffish.
He apologised for not telling me and said he was a coward. He said it was not what he wanted but that was up to me. I solved that by changing my number so his contact or lack of would not be a problem. To be honest I saw it as a major rejection. I was so hurt and still am to some degree that I was so easy to walk away from.
Thanks Natalie for being a voice of reason and stopping the awful train of thoughts going through my head. Dear confused sorry for the pain now honey make a list of things you should have done as far as vetting a man, give yourself time to heal and vet the next men very carefully.
Hi Confused, No wonder you are hurt and well. Everyone here has had something similarly disappointing, so you are among friends. After reading your another great post, I went and googled I know, I know, bad girl!!! Well ladies, I got to see a recent convo between the two of them on one of these social media platforms:.
Sorry for not being in touch! Tania I live in Northern Cali home of google yahoo craigslist twitter imac and bisexual freaks, ha. Google is your friend. I soundly advise all dating women to google men. Sorry, its a new world women need the advantage. Who wants to waste time with a jerk, loser, or much, much worse when, at the tap of a button you have a wealth of information. Go above and beyond. See, doing nothing about your ex directly usually cultivates the best possible results when it comes to breakups.
For example, if your ex-gf started seeing someone else right away or soon after the breakup, you must:. Trying to win your ex over with words and insecure actions is only going to push your ex toward his or her new partner.
If you want the best for yourself as well as your ex, you must let your ex date his or her new partner. Your ex has the right to date whoever he or she wants as the breakup has already occurred.
What will help, though, is allowing your ex to see if the grass is greener on the other side. Consider your past relationship with your ex as your performance.
How you performed whilst you were in a relationship with your ex will determine whether this new partner stands a chance against you. Now, I know what you may be thinking. My friend, nobody is perfect.
People are neglectful beings who take each other for granted, hence why GIGS - the grass is greener syndrome occurs so frequently. Apart from time, there are also a few ways to boost the syndrome and make it grow faster. Every relationship is guilty of these sins so here they are. The longer you were in a relationship with your ex, the more you shared together and the better you bonded. You created precious memories together, created inside jokes, and became similar to one another.
So when your ex detaches from you and starts dating someone else within weeks or months, he or she will expect this new person to take your place. Rebound relationships fail badly because people expect the best and get a lot less than they are prepared to bargain for. It will lack the connection and intimacy of a normal relationship and fall apart. All you have to do for it to fall apart is let your ex go through the 6 stages of a rebound relationship :.
So if your ex is dating someone else, this new person could actually be the gateway back to your heart-even if you messed up badly. Secondly, your ex would have broken up with you and reassured you and stayed by your side to promote a fast recovery. Is he or she still the best human being you can possibly pair up with?
Please remember that anyone who casts you out of his or her life does so because that person never wants to be with you again. Any kind of promise post-breakup is merely an excuse to withdraw from a relationship.
Breakups truly suck and the amount of damage they cause is often irreparable. Many people develop fears and phobias of relationships as a result of an ugly breakup. Whatever you do, try not to become afraid of relationships and never loving again just because you got involved with the wrong person.
Can You Date Someone Who Still Lives With Their Ex? A Discussion
There are still many great people out there that will work hard for the relationship and make you a priority. When dumpers break up with dumpees, they have absolutely no intention of ever coming back. To them, the breakup is final, absolute, certain, definite and never-changing. I often use strong words, such as crawling, begging, crying and running back whenever I mention dumpers returning to their exes. I do so for a very good reason.
The emotional and mental states need to be severely impacted before your ex will even think about getting back together with you. So when I say that dumpers come crying back, they do so because something goes horribly wrong on their end.
And since they suffer, they contact their dumpees to solve their internal issues. Yes, people are that selfish. This is true whether your ex is with someone else or alone.
The reason why an ex comes back is that always something significant changes internally in his or her head. If you do any of these post-breakup mistakesyou will only ruin your breakup persona and send your future chances of reconciliation to oblivion. Is your ex dating someone else already and it hurts you beyond comprehension? What are you doing to cope with anxiety?
Let us know by commenting below. Well where do i start. Well my ex girlfriend broke up with me. Id admit i was a jerk at times. But it was never intentional. I just wanted her to be safe, ik how she reacts in bad situations, so it worried me to no end not knowing if she was ok sometimes. Along with that came other issues.
But in the long run i thought i mad her happy. But a few days before my birthday it all ended and i was devastated. Of course months later im reading all of this, and now im not sure she will take me back. If id have known this information now then, even tho it wouldve hurt me more than it did then. I would have done these steps. But if everything said here is true then i have no hope. After the break up, i went almost insane constantly trying to see what she was doing and if she was ok.
But shes doing things shes never done before like where short shorts and cutting her hair differently. And those were somethings i didnt want her to wear cause i was afraid of guys looking at her and wanting her. And trying to take her from me.
I just miss her so much. Today i saw her for the first time since the quarantine and she looks amazing. And since i saw her she opened back up my wounds that i healed over the passed few months. And i feel like a douche bag cause in the mix of all this i have a new girl friend, who i love u dearly. But its not the same. I spent almost 4 years with my ex. We started dating freshman year of highschool.
And broke up my senior year. Since then so many fun and beautiful memories have been made with my ex. Those kind of memories are hard to find, even with my new girlfriend.
But the only reason i dated my new girlfriend was so that my ex can be happy, because i had been trying everything and anything to get my ex back except everyting stated in this site so i figured doing my best to move on a heal my broken heart would help fix what i did, and to say the least i dont think it did.
And i dont want to break up with my new gf because then she would know why im leaving her. And im just soo stuck. I have all of thid pressure built up inside of me, and it hurts so bad to think of my ex taking someone knew.